I Believe in a Hill Called Mt. Calvary

How do you explain an omnipotent God letting bad things happen to good ­people?”

“Is God sovereign? If so, are we robots? Do we have any choices or are we predestined to choose what we choose? So why witness, send missionaries, minister?”

“If God knows what we need more than we do, if He knows our thoughts and desires, if He sees the future and charts our path, why pray? Why not just wait for Him to do whatever He’s going to do ­anyway?”

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The questions seem to fly as soon as we confess a faith in Jesus Christ, as if finding a question not yet fully answered gives the questioner some ground to stand on for not believing.

And perhaps for all of us there is a time in our young lives when we feel we have the luxury of always questioning and never resolving the great issues of life. But sooner or later inquisitors and critics choose to resolve some major questions, or they become cynics.

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For many, the time for deciding comes as we birth a new generation. It’s one thing to sit around in college dormitories discussing the unsolvable problems of the universe. It’s another to hold your own newborn baby in your arms and realize that what this child thinks and feels and believes will be largely your responsibility. You realize you will never have all the answers to all the questions, but you also know there are at least a few things you’d better get nailed down. Turbulent spirits must lay a few things to rest, and although we ­can’t know everything, we begin to realize we must know a few things for sure. Jesus taught that the evidence that confirms our leaps of faith comes after we risk believing, not before.

Bill and I wrote “I Believe in a Hill Called Mount Calvary” at a fork in the road for our lives. We ­hadn’t then, nor have we now, resolved all the questions. But we chose to risk everything we were or ever hoped to be on a few things that began for us a growing relationship with Christ.

We, like most human beings, would have preferred that God prove Himself before we risked believing. None of us wants to make a fool of himself. “If You prove You’re real, ­I’ll believe” is the way most of us approach the omniscient Jehovah. But God is not an axiom of science. He is the great I Am, and it is not He but each of us who is on trial. Judas (not Iscariot) tried the “play it safe” avenue of reasoning with Jesus. Reveal Yourself to the world at large. It would be so much easier, then, to make ­people believe in You. These miracles are great! Could you take this show on the road? But Jesus’ answer was quick. “I will only reveal myself to those who love me.” (See John 14:22–24 lb.)

Bill and I had to learn that God required that we first risk, believe, love. The “knowing” only results from relationship. And relationship—not evidence or knowledge or miracles or gifts—had to be our passion. We were beginning to learn that what we considered the process, God considers the goal. Once we dared to risk believing, all the tough circumstances of life would then crowd us to Christ, shove us closer to Him, nudge us into dependency on Him. That—relationship—is His goal. “I will only reveal myself to those who love me and obey me,” Jesus said.

Some years ago a slogan made its way to bumper stickers and lapel pins. I’m sure it was well intended, but I never really liked the phrase—“TRY JESUS.” It reminded me of a tray of hors d’oeuvres at a party. If you ­don’t like the shrimp canapés, try the bacon-wrapped ­mini-hotdogs or the tiny cheese tarts.

But we have found that serving Jesus is not a taste sampling. It’s not a risk-free bet. It’s not a for-profit investment, an “if you want to get, then you have to give” deal. It’s a leap into the unknown, risking everything you have and are on the Way beyond proof, not for financial gain, not for good feelings, not to get “gifts,” even gifts of the Spirit, though all of those things may result from this choice somewhere down the road.

If they do, chances are we will be the last to know. Most likely we will feel very inadequate and ordinary when we hear someone else say, “She is one of the most forgiving ­people I know,” or “He is a kind and gentle man of integrity.” Who me? may be our quick response.

That is how we come to know that in pursuit of a relationship with Jesus, we are being changed into His likeness. At that point, all the bewildering questions may remain unanswered. But, as the old-timers used to say, we are finding we ­don’t have such a gnawing need to know the answers when we know the Answer. We are coming, as the poet Rilke said, to love the question and to get more comfortable with the paradox of God. When we trust the author, we ­don’t have to know the end of the story. We just know it will be true.

We Americans have lived primarily in a country friendly to the Gospel. Oh, we may have what we consider “persecution” in some of our homes or we may work in an “unfriendly” environment. But we have not known persecution as Paul knew it or a world in which Christians are beheaded, burned at the stake, or thrown to the lions.

But history has shown that the winds of public opinion are fickle. Our freedom to worship openly, form Bible study groups in our homes, hold Christian concerts in public arenas, praise God with sixty thousand Promise Keepers, declare we are “women of faith” with thousands of other believers, could be replaced by regulations, repression, or even imprisonment.

Only “relationship” would stand through such a change. If we serve God because we think “serving Jesus really pays” in a material sense, we would likely be blown away like chaff on a threshing floor. If we’re hanging around the church because we like fellowships and enjoy the warm feelings of “the womb,” we would most certainly be torn away like helpless children in wartime.

Only a growing relationship with the living God, bought by the blood of His Son Jesus, sustained by the nurturing of His Holy Spirit internally, will long endure.

When Corrie ten Boom spoke at a Praise Gathering in her later years, she recounted a conversation she had as an adolescent with her father about the martyrs killed for the cause of Christ. She told her father she ­didn’t think she’d be capable of standing firm if she were tortured for her faith or her family were killed before her eyes. In short, she ­didn’t think she could be a martyr.

Her father gave an insightful answer, asking her a question: “When our family took that train trip, when did I give you children your tickets?”

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“Why, just when it was time to get on the train,” she answered.

“If God asks you to give your life for His sake, He’ll give you the grace to do it when the time comes.”

Little did she know then that she’d be the only one of her family to survive the atrocities of Nazi prison camps, where they’d been sent for their compassionate role in harboring Jews and helping them to escape.

Even as an octogenarian Corrie would quickly have said she ­hadn’t answered all the theological questions ­people often use as an obstacle to faith, but she loved to sing a song based on the apostle Paul’s testimony:

But I know whom I have believed
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which ­I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day!

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Repurposed Love Song

It was just over two years ago that I posted my first blog.  Now 116 blogs later, so many of you have joined the long parade of faithful readers who have responded with your comments and stories and have shared the blog with friends and family when something I wrote brought them to mind.

Probably most of you have no idea why I started writing in this new form for me, or why I called it LOVE SONG TO MY LIFE.  So, I will stop midstream to refresh my purpose for myself and for you who have signed on since.

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When we are living our lives at breakneck speed, juggling many roles and making schedules that would have sent our parents to the psych ward (sent some of us there, too!) we don’t notice so many of the true treasures that whirl by because we are viewing them from a carrousel.  Oh, we know they are there and maybe utter an obligatory prayer of thanksgiving in church or when we tuck the kids in at night--sometimes we even write a thank you note for some friend’s kind gesture--but most of the time, we’re just lucky to make it from morning to night without dropping some ball.

Maybe I felt an urgency to gather some moments into my conscientious focus because I sensed a slowing down time coming like a child spinning in a circle does just before she gets too dizzy to stand up and realizes the sidewalk is coming up to crack her head.

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For whatever reason, what has transpired in the two years and 115 blogs since I started would never have been believed. A very contagious virus has brought our country and the rest of the world to a screeching halt.  If someone had said to any one of us, “You need to just quit traveling, cancel your social and professional calendar, stop going to the office and church and school, do work and education from your bedroom computer, close down playgrounds and vacation spots, quit flying and shopping and having lunch with friends or business contacts,”  we would have all answered in international unison, “NO WAY!”

But stop down we did, some of us for eternity as we have buried, mostly without funerals, 200,000 Americans.  This has gotten our attention! The rest of us have had to totally rethink how we do life.

Bill said yesterday after our coffee, in our what’s-on-for-today time: “The bad thing is that I don’t have anything I have to do today.”  Then he paused before going on.  “And the good thing is that there is nothing I have to do today.”

We are songwriters.  I am a lyricist.  I’ve been writing the words to music for more than fifty-five years.  I started the blog because of a lyric I wrote to not-yet-existing music.  I wasn’t sure it was a song at all, but I gave the “poem” to Dony McGuire and said, “I don’t know whether this can have music.  It may be a poem, and it may just be for me.”

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I only knew it was the passion of my life to not miss the miracles of every morning, to see the love letters God has been writing to me with every sunrise and every drop of rain poised on the trumpet edge of the morning glory blossom before it drops to water the black earth.  And to write back.  To somehow register that “I got the post, Father; I got it!”

Good days and hard days, my life has been a correspondence with my Maker.  Bill and I have written our life together in songs.  If you were to lay our songs end-to-end for the last almost 60 years, you would have the only biography I may ever write.  These are milestones of my journey.

And, also, like the series of pieces I wrote to settle the doubts of my soul, only to discover that they were written in response to Someone who was talking to me when I wasn’t talking to Him, and I had to admit that these were Simple Prayers, these pieces called a blog were love songs—love songs to my life.

So, I stop here midstream, as I said, to let you hear again the strange poem, now with the music Dony sent back to me, sung by the divine voice of his and Reba’s daughter Destiny.  Please read your own story into these words and music. The good thing that has come from being “sheltered in place” with my husband and our life in our old house on our hillside is that what we “have to do today” is to pay attention, to notice, and to read the love notes scattered everywhere from our Father.  And I will write back, too.  These are--and will continue to be--the lived-out love songs to my life.

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Dreaming The Best Dreams

The Bible is full of dreams and dreamers.  According to this reliable source, dreams may turn out to be the roadmap for our lives, the warnings that keep us from tragic blunders, and the aspirations so lofty that we spend the rest of our lives trying to live up to them.

Dreams may usher us into heaven or leave us with a limp that will always remind us that it’s worth wrestling with angels to find our true identity in God.

One thing is sure: as the wise man said, “Without a vision the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18)  There must be a dream.  There must be a hope.

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I love the idea that God has a dream for us.  We are a “promise” He has made to himself and to the world.  Brian McLaren suggests in his book The Secret Message of Jesus that we might even paraphrase the line from the prayer Jesus taught us to pray that says “Thy Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven” this way: “May all your dreams for your creation come true.”  If we pray this, of course, it means that we must “trust God and God’s dreams enough to realign our dreams with God’s, to dream our little dreams within God’s big dream.”

As we live this year out, may we dare to “Dream On”, and may those dreams be lived inside the eternal dream of God, a dream so big that “we will never see the end of it or fully understand it” until we are at last “filled up with God himself. “ (Ephesians 3:19b)

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